it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
