call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
