Umm I'm too high to move.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
