problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
