me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
