we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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