Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
