I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
