her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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