Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
