Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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