i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Too much gin, very little bucket
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
