I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
