D3 body, D1 cock
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
