i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
