The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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