Do you still have your period?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
