sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Acid is not a monday night drug
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
