you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
