they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
