that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
