everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
