I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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