I wish I could teleport
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
