I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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