HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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