I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
