HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
