do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
