i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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