Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
