You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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