i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
