Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
