You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
