So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
