Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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