i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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