New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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