i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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