I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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