Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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