Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
