your parents love me but you hate me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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