I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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