I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
