my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
