Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
