We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
