im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
