Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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