So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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