Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
