That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
