And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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