the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
