Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
